Fantasia D. Vine

Recently, there was an earthquake in California. Twitter broke the news first because several of it’s users micro-blogged about being in the earthquake. There ended up being more buzz around a particular post from MissRFTC. She stated that during the earthquake, her gyno was literally inside her vagina (I tried to find the original post, but it’s too old and not listed on her account). Her post showed up all over the web including news sites. Her follow numbers on Twitter went from like 70 to 800 in a couple days. I’m jealous of MissRFTC cause I only have like 21 followers on Twitter and half are spam. My theory is that MissRFTC’s popularity has nothing to do with the earthquake and everything to do with her vagina (and her wicked sense of humor). So, in hopes to up my own Twitter popularity, I recently started randomly using the word vagina in my twits. Hasn’t worked yet but I’m patient. And I think it’s funny so I’ll keep doing it until I get bored of vaginas.

I’ve also decided to create some random vagina art (not of actual vaginas, you perverts, just the word). This will be a photo project on Flickr. I already have two photos up and there will be more. I’m hoping this will also increase my web popularity.

So, take a minute and go to my Twitter page and my Flickr page (this is a direct link to the vagina pictures) and help me become one of the popular girls online without having to post nude pictures of myself.

As a first for this blog, I give you this week’s Ten on Tuesday!

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs. Especially my newest blog: My Fickle Birthday Blog.

10 Events That Should be in the Olympics
I don’t do sports. So, I’ve created events for the Olympics. Enjoy!

1. Woman’s Naked Ping-Pong - no hands
2. Women Jumping on Trampolines in Bikini’s - scored on bouncy-ness
3. Gay Chicken - If you watch Scrubs, I shouldn’t have to explain this. Even if you don’t watch Scrubs, figure it out yourself. This event would get me to watch the Olympics.
4. Twister - Imagine it in massive scale. Like, on a football field with hundreds of participants. I bet ice skaters and gymnastics would rock at this.
5. Survivor Style Obstacle Course - Take the most difficult challenges from Survivor and get the athletes to compete. You might want to starve them for a few days first, it would make it more realistic.
6. Stripping - No explanation needed. Couldn’t broadcast this, at least not on standard TV but maybe on the internet. And it would have to be co-ed. A little something for everyone.
7. Ring of Fire - Not really and event in itself but wouldn’t a ring of fire make some of the other events more interesting? Just think about it.
8. Simon Says - I don’t know why, but I think a massive game of Simon Says would be very interesting to watch.
9. BS Contest - See who can come up with the most believable but wrong explanation for different situations. My hubby would rock this.
10. Cocktail Flare Contest - You know, when the bartenders flip and toss drinks all artistically. And maybe add the ring of fire to make it more interesting.

Yep, that’s right I’ve decided that six blogs aren’t enough. So, I’ve added a step-child, if you will, to the MyFickleMind family: My Fickle Birthday Blog! It’s an experiment of sorts. I wasn’t going to launch it until August 1st, but I was on a roll today, so it’s up now.

What is My Fickle Birthday Blog, you ask. Well, it’s an attempt to get birthday presents. Yep, I’m asking complete strangers to send me stuff. Go check out the blog and see all the details. Then tell your friends. And your neighbors. And your family. And people on the bus. And people on the street. Tell everyone! I want lots of birthday loot! So, get going!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted a Thursday Thirteen because I honestly couldn’t come up with a topic. However, a recent injury to my tailbone has given me a great topic! Just using what I know, that’s what writers do, you know.

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs.

Thirteen Other Ways I Could Have Injured My Ass

1. Surprise buttsex
2. Hubby didn’t hear the safe word
3. Anal probing gone way, way wrong. Bad aliens, no biscuit.
4. My gynecologist is blind
5. Went a little overboard with the bikini wax
6. I slipped while vacuuming naked and the hose landed where the sun don’t shine
7. Should of never bought that newfangled “art” chair. Just because it’s pretty, doesn’t mean it’s comfortable or safe to sit on.
8. Never glue meat to back of pants around hungry dogs. I’m just saying.
9. The anus is a not for storage
10. I will never play paintball again. My ass seems to be a great target for the other teams.
11. Contrary to popular belief, my anus is  not a USB port.
12. A mooning prank gone wrong. Hopefully it won’t end up on Youtube
13. Coffee enema = bad idea. Maybe I should of let it cool down first.

In the car with hubby on the way home from Starbucks:

Me: I think I’m just going to have something light to eat. Just a cliff bar.
Hubby: You’re going to have a clit bar?
Me: Mmmm tasty. Even though I’m not in college, I can still have lesbian experiences.
Hubby: I don’t think so.
Me: It doesn’t count. One, it’s experimenting. And two, it’s with a woman. So, it’s not cheating.
Hubby: In what world?
Me: Jerry Springer world. But it means you can have sex with a man.
Hubby: Gee thanks (said very, very sarcastically).
Me: I’ll take pictures.
Hubby: No you won’t.
Me: Of my lesbian experience, yes I will.
Hubby: Will you send me a postcard?
Me: Yeah. It’ll say “wish you were here”.

Before you read this post: if you haven’t already, you really need to read The 213 Things Skippy is no Longer Allowed to do in the US Army.

There are lots of parodies of this list already so I had to add my own. I love the original list ’cause it’s full of completely outrageous things. I love minds that come up with that kind of stuff - like my hubby. I’ve decided to write my own list based on ideas my hubby has actually had (he has not tried any of them because he’s smart enough to run things by me first).

So, for your reading pleasure, I give you:

Things My Hubby is Not Allowed to Do, Ever

• He can’t throw hamsters off the roof in an attempt to teach them to fly (and no, not even if you give them tiny capes)
• He can’t train hamsters to take over the world
• He can’t buy a blow dart gun
• He can’t use a blow dart gun to attack cheerleaders working at school sponsored car washes
• He can’t use a blow dart gun to attack corporate mascots - no matter how annoying they are
• He can’t use a blow dart gun to attack those blow up windsock people
• He can’t go to my family reunion and try to create soap opera drama just for the hell of it
• He can’t go to the Home Owner’s Association with a list of demands
• He can’t stand outside and shout at the neighbor kids (in a old man voice) “get off my lawn!”
• He can’t fill a squirt gun with a combination of glue and glitter and take it to work
• He can’t ask me to call him Man Candy on my blogs
• He can’t eat me (I mean this in an entirely non-sexual way. I can’t count the times I’ve had to tell him I’m not food.)
• He can’t buy a cat, put a tiny wireless camera on it’s collar and start a website called “Pussy Cam”
• He can’t ever use the phrase “is it cause I’m black?” (he’s white)
• He can’t ever use the phrase “it’s witchcraft!”
• He can’t name our future children after IKEA products
• He can’t name our future children after pharmaceutical products
• He can’t name our future children after venereal disease
• He can’t participate in the naming of our future children
• He can’t put condiment packets in my underwear drawer (okay, he actually used to do this, years ago but I’ve gotten him to stop)
• He can’t create sumo suits out of bubble wrap
• He can’t host amateur MMA (mixed martial arts) cage matches on the lawn
• He can’t collect his own sweat in jars and then sell it on eBay as celebrity sweat
• His saliva does not have healing properties
• He can’t learn to how clone people so he can make another me to bounce ideas off of
• He can’t write a blog post of things his wife isn’t allowed to do

That’s all I can think of right now. You know, sometimes I’m scared of my hubby.

There may be more later…

No one should wear a scarf around their neck if it’s not in the middle of a snowy or otherwise cold day. Any other time just makes you look like you’re into auto erotic asphyxiation and are covering up the marks.