Dear Diary,

Once I get past the whole feeling bad because I’m nearly 30 and still don’t have my driver’s license, the main reason I put off driving lessons with hubby is fear.

I’m afraid I’m going to screw up
I’m afraid I’m going to get into an accident and hurt the car
I’m afraid I’m going to get into an accident and hurt myself or hubby
I’m afraid I’m going to hit something
I’m afraid I’m going to get pulled over
I’m afraid I’m going to get honked at/flipped off by other drivers
I’m afraid I’m going to get lost

I let my fear get to me and I put off the driving lessons for one reason or another. And sometimes it’s not fear, it’s just lack of motivation. I have to get over this. I know the only way I’m going to get over my fear is to get in that damn car and drive.

I also need some motivation. So, I’m going to write down the things that will change when I get my license so that I’ll have something tangible to look at when I’m not motivated.

When I have my license…

…I won’t have to be cooped up in the house all day while hubby’s at work
I won’t have to wait for hubby to be ready to run errands
I’ll have more options of places to work
I won’t have to depend on hubby to take me places
I’ll be able to get out of the house and maybe meet new people
I’ll be able to hang out with MJ more often (he doesn’t have a car and lives an hour bus ride away)
Hubby and I will be able to take long road trips together
I’ll feel more independent
I’ll be able to try to sell my jewelry in person - at shops or shows or whatnot
I’ll be able to join a gym (there aren’t any walking distance from home)
I’ll be able to take some college classes

Tomorrow night, I’m getting off my ass and getting in that damn car and having a driving lesson!

I’m taking a break from my chores (in other words, I’m sitting in front of the fan and drinking ice tea until I stop sweating) so I thought I’d give you this week’s Manic Monday a bit early.

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs. Especially my newest blog: My Fickle Birthday Blog.

1) How would your friend describe you to someone who has never seen you?
Oh, this one’s a toughie. Which friend are you talking about and what kind of description - physical or personality? Each of my friends sees me differently. I couldn’t be sure the exact words they’d use cause I’m not inside their heads. However, off the top of my head, I know my sis in law (who is also my best friend), would say very nice things about me because that’s the kind of person she is and she loves me. My friend MJ would probably use the word bitch to describe me but he means it in the best possible way. No, seriously. We call each other horrible names as terms of endearments. He’s the one who nicknamed me Queen of Darkness. And he’s the reason I’m a Fag Hag. You know, I think the name calling thing is a gay man/straight girl friendship rite.

2) Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?
Yes. My hubby and any of my family members. I already know that most of them protect me from things they think might scare, worry or stress me out. This bugged me a lot when I was younger, but now I know they were just trying to protect me. And because they’re willing to protect my sanity, I know they’re willing to protect my life. Just as I would do for them. I think this goes without saying though, when you love someone.

3) If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
Gosh, morbid much? Of course people would miss me. See the above question/answer if you doubt this.

Just pretend it’s Monday, okay? Cause here’s this week’s Manic Monday

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs. Especially my newest blog: My Fickle Birthday Blog.

1) Using no more than 10 nouns, and ONLY nouns, describe yourself.
(Oh you just have to make it difficult, don’t you? Now I have to remember what a noun is.) Woman. Wife. Sister. Daughter. Aunt. Homemaker. Jewelry Designer. Oregon Resident.

2) If you owned your own store, what would you sell?
For quite awhile now, I’ve wanted to have my own store for Adalea’s Designs. I would sell all the beautiful beaded jewelry I make and all the other crafty and artsty things I plan to make. Someday this will be real for me.

3) If you were to name the most comforting thing for you to hold in your hands, what would it be?
My hubby’s hand. Yeah, I know, sappy but he’s the only thing that can comfort me with just a touch.

Have no fear, it’s Monday which means it’s time for: Manic Monday! Hope you enjoy this week’s offering.

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs. Especially my newest blog: My Fickle Birthday Blog.

1) Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.
What do you talk about?
Wow. Got to wonder what’s on the person’s mind to have come up with this question this week!
I can’t help but assume there would also be some camera crew in attendance cause this sounds like a reality show set up.
Personally, I wouldn’t be giving a speech because no one would be listening.

2) What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
On a cold rainy day, I love to just cuddle up on the couch with a blanket, a hot cup of coffee from Starbucks, my laptop and/or something good on TV. However, I can’t do that every rainy day considering that I live in Oregon and have more rainy days then most people. I have to get stuff done, sometimes.

3) Are you a window person or an aisle person? Why?
I assuming we’re talking airplanes here. So, that would be aisle. I can’t look out the window when we take off, it freaks me out. I hate flying. Hubby usually takes the window seat cause he likes to look out and he always tries to get me to look too.

Yep, that’s right I’ve decided that six blogs aren’t enough. So, I’ve added a step-child, if you will, to the MyFickleMind family: My Fickle Birthday Blog! It’s an experiment of sorts. I wasn’t going to launch it until August 1st, but I was on a roll today, so it’s up now.

What is My Fickle Birthday Blog, you ask. Well, it’s an attempt to get birthday presents. Yep, I’m asking complete strangers to send me stuff. Go check out the blog and see all the details. Then tell your friends. And your neighbors. And your family. And people on the bus. And people on the street. Tell everyone! I want lots of birthday loot! So, get going!

Oh, and I’ve cross posted this to all my blogs, ’cause well I can.

I just finished catching up on the last six weeks of America’s Got Talent episodes. During the auditions, I’ve noticed some interesting similarities between it and Britain’s Got Talent. Not just that they’re the same show in two different countries, but that they have some of the same acts. Not the same people, just the same act. Is this just a coincidence or a conspiracy? Here’s the evidence, you decide:

Note: The videos I’m including are from YouTube. Because they are actually clips from the show and due to the fickle nature of YouTube, it’s very possible that they will eventually be no longer available. So, if any of the following videos aren’t available, please let me know.

Baton Twirlers: Johnathon Burkin VS Craig

Adorable Little Girls Singing “Over the Rainbow”: 4yr Old Kaitlyn Maher VS 6yr Old Connie Talbot

Large Men Singing Opera: Neal E. Boyd VS Paul Potts

Woman Using Angle Grinders on Their Bodies: Miss Pussykait VS Victoria

I totally understand there being similar dancing or singing or magic acts. But more then one grinding act? Did these people watch Britain’s Got Talent and see how well those acts did and decided to try their hand at it? Or are they government clones?

If I missed any, let me know.

Dear Diary,

So, as I wrote in my previous post, I fell down our stairs on Saturday morning and hurt my ass. After two days of not being able to sit comfortably or for very long, hubby decided I needed to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. I’m always worried that they’ll find something horribly wrong with me. Or that I’ll forget to explain some detail which will keep the doctor from finding out what’s really wrong with me until it’s too late. And of course there’s the cost. We don’t have insurance so we go to a family clinic that charges a co-pay and bills the rest. They’re very quick and efficient. But we don’t have the money. So, doctor bills have to come out of the money ear marked for my dental appointment(s) which I’m now going to have to postpone longer.

Hubby decided I was going to the doctor the next day on Sunday. I spent most of the day debating about going or not. I mean there probably wasn’t much they could do, right? You can’t put a cast on a broken ass. But then again, I couldn’t sit. It would proably be a good idea to get it checked out. So, I let hubby take me to the doctor.

The car ride over was horrible. I nearly screamed in pain when I got out. About an hour and 1/2 (mostly waiting) & $105 later (after dropping my pants and having my butt poked) it was determined that my tailbone wasn’t broken, just bruised. I was told to ice the area (with frozen peas or corn because they conform best with the area) and take Advil. I should heal in about 6 weeks. Oh joy. Doctor also gave me some Vicodin to help me sleep (it’s literally a pain in the ass to roll over). But she couldn’t give me anything to help me sit comfortably. Well, she suggested a donut pillow but I had already bought one and discovered it doesn’t work. My pain is mostly in the very high tip of my tail bone. So, it mostly hurts to sit completely on my butt or all the way back in a chair.

I’ve spent the last two days trying to find comfortably positions to sit in. I’ve finally determined that the best position is laying on my side on the bed. Hubby helped me set up my laptop so I could watch TV (we have a slingbox that allows us to watch our cable on our computers and it’s hooked up to a generic Tivo). I’ve been catching up on all my Tivoed reality shows.

I’m freaking miserable. I’m worried that my injury is worse then the doctor said. I’m worried that I’ll be basically bed ridden for the next six weeks while I heal. I worried that hubby’s going to get fired for working from home while taking care of me (he keeps telling me that his boss understands). I’m exhausted and sleeping a lot. I’m bored not being able to spend time on the internet like I usually do. I just want to not be in pain. I keep finding semi-comfortable sitting positions but they don’t last. I’m very frustrated. I’m just glad I have my hubby. He’s taking very good care of me. I just wish he didn’t have to. I hate asking for help. I feel like I should be pushing myself through the pain or something. But I hate pain. This sucks.

Dear Diary,

I’m such a freaking klutz! I was just heading downstairs after tucking my hubby into bed when my foot slipped and I fell from the third step to the bottom of our stair case - on my ass. Hit the back of my lower legs on the way down (that’s going to bruise) and I think I did something to my right foot. I’m glad I didn’t land on my head but I don’t enjoy having a bruised tailbone. This is actually the third time I’ve bruised my tush and the second time from failing down these stairs.

My yelp of pain brought hubby out of the bedroom. He calmed me down and made me walk to make sure I wasn’t broken. He made me grab some Bayer to help with the pain and offered to get me the heating pad. I sent him back to bed when I had Bayer in my hand and a glass of water ready. Good thing I looked at the pills first - I don’t think a double dose of multi-vitamins would of helped my throbbing butt.

I now get to spend the next several days flinching when I sit down. Oh joy. I do not enjoy pain yet I always seem to be suffering from minor injuries.

So, do I ice or heat a bruised ass?

I’m sure it’s Friday somewhere so I give you this week’s Friday’s Feast!

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs.

Appetizer
When was the last time you had your hair cut/trimmed?
Over a year ago, I shaved my head. Haven’t cut it or trimmed it since. Trying to get hubby to shave it again for me, but he didn’t like the texture so he won’t do it again. And we’ve already learned that I shouldn’t do my own hair, ever.

Soup
Name one thing you miss about being a child.
I can’t ever only name one thing on these kinds of questions. Do we not get the “fickle” part of this blog? I’m going to go with having someone else take care of the cleaning and the bill paying and the feeding and all that stuff. Oh, and getting an allowance. So, that’s two things. Deal with it.

Salad
Pick one: butter, margarine, olive oil.
Depends on what I’m picking it for: For baking or sauteing veggies, I go for butter. For toast or frying eggs I go with margarine. For frying, I go with Olive Oil (if I don’t have veggie oil, that is). For lube, any of the above works.

Main Course
If you could learn another language, which one would you pick, and why?
Spanish so I could watch Spanish soap operas.

Dessert
Finish this sentence: In 5 years I expect to be…
In 5 years I expect to be happier. Sorry I didn’t come up with anything more profound but that’s how I’m feeling right now.

I have no witty intros today so let’s just get to this week’s Ten on Tuesday!

Also, feel free to take a look around while you’re here. And don’t forget the other My Fickle Mind Blogs.

Alright, this week’s theme is sports. I don’t do sports - watching or playing. I sucked at sports in school and I don’t understand how they can be entertaining to watch. So, I’m going to stretch the meaning of sports a little (see the air quotes in the title?) for this list. Most of the reality shows I watch are like sports in the sense that people are competing against each other for a prize. So, that’s what I’m going with today - reality shows.

10 Favorite Sports to Play/Watch

1. Survivor - I didn’t get into watching this show until it was several seasons in (that happens a lot with TV shows for me - I’ve only ever watched one or two shows from the very first episode) but once I started watching, I couldn’t stop. My favorite part is when the contestants seem surprised that other contestants are lying to them! What part of “outwit, outlast, outplay” do they not understand? I’d rock Survivor. Or I’d be the first contestant to ever die on the show.
2. Amazing Race - I love the pairings they put together for this show. Especially couple’s that just broke up or an estranged father and daughter. What better way to try to fix a relationship then on a reality show? I also love the arguing and whining people do during challenges. I’d love to do this show with my best friend MJ. We’d be labeled as “Gay Man and his Fag Hag”. And I’d probably get us lost, a lot.
3. Top Chef - I’ve learned so much about food from this show. And it’s entertaining. I wonder though if it’s a smart thing to give some of the contestants knives.
4. Iron Chef America - I’m just waiting for the chairmen to lose it and announce the secret ingredient as “human flesh!”.
5. America’s Next Top Model - I mostly watch this show for the pretty people in pain. Once, when the models were doing a challenge that involved walking down the runway in horribly high and too small high heels, I was chanting: “trip, trip, trip”.  Is that wrong?
6. American Idol - Seriously, what’s better then watching people who think they can sing because people at a Karaoke bar told them they could and then having Simon crush their dreams? 
7. Project Runway - I love the creative challenges and the gay men on this show. And it’s fun to watch designers get upset.
8. Design Star - Hmm, I watch this for the same reason as I watch Project Runway.
9. Food Network Challenge - My favorites are the cake challenges. Especially when the contestants go over the top and have insanely tall or delicate things that then need to be moved to a table. Is it wrong that I hope they fall apart (the cakes or the contestants, either works for me)?
10. Last Comic Standing - They get a lot of hilarious people on this show but they also get the weirdest people auditioning - usually in costume or with props. I swear they just want to get on TV. Or maybe I’m wrong and they really think they’re funny and talented. Whatever, it’s great to watch.

Well, that was fun to write. However, I think Queen of Darkness and Fag Hag snuck in and added their two cents to some of them. Oh well.